Women are little girls who just want to laugh. While Men are little boys who just want a girl to like us.

Keith, the stoned nerd.

Labels: quote

I must say that I don't think much of myself as a friend. I don't particularly come across as the best sort of person to befriend. I don't offer very much as a friend, in terms of help, support and care. But I try anyway, to be a friend, nonetheless, to anyone who may need one at any one point in their life.

I won't really say I have many friends, to be honest. I think there's a difference between knowing a lot of people and actually having a lot friends. My aunt once said to me that it is always better to have a few good friends, then to have a whole lot of friends. I know she's right.

So like I said before, I don't have many friends. But, however, I do think that I have some very good friends. I can think of about 5 right now, off the top of my head. I'm pretty selective and judgemental so I guess that's why it's so hard for me to befriend a person properly. I have my own agenda, just like everyone else. It's a very high-and-mighty sort of attitude, sort of a bit like saying, "If I like you enough, you qualify as a friend."

And I'm quite selfish too, when it comes to friends. I don't offer much but when it comes to spending time together or communicating with each other, I expect it to be just between me and that friend. I just want the whole person to myself at that moment in time. I don't do well in groups either, as you've probably noticed. I'm not much of a group person. But I really do value the time spent with any one friend at any specific occasion.

Anyway, in the last week or so, I've sort of broken out of my comfort zone, in terms of forging (new) friendships. Like I told Jason last night, I've made a brand new set of friends as of this week. It's a big deal to me because it's never happened this quickly before.

Firstly, because it's a group of people.
Secondly, because they're different from the usual people that I'm used to.
Thirdly, because I met them at church.
It's funny because I've never really wanted to be part of a group anymore. Well, ever since I left SMSS, anyway. I did try again at WGC but I gave up soon after. I guess I'd just had enough of 'hanging out' in a group. I don't think it's silly or stupid. I just thought it was tiresome. But this new group of people I've found are actually quite good together. And they're different because you just know that they are genuine. They stay together through fun times and serious moments. They're not perfect, of course. None of us are. But I find that when I'm with them, I don't find myself doing my usual sieving or judging or analysis. Because all I've done in the past is sieve my way through the many crowds of people I meet and judge and analyse each of them before coming to a conclusion - do I want to be friends with so-and-so?

And I suppose it's partly because they're christian, which is why everything is pretty much positive. And I really like that - optimism in life. I've never been active in the christian church community and I don't think it's very important that I get active either. It's not a priority in my life. But I do know that befriending a couple of christians will definitely be good for me. Besides, it wouldn't hurt me. Like I told Elliot on the way home last Friday when he asked me what I thought of the group, "I've never really been part of a youth group before. So I don't know what to do and I don't know what to say. But I don't mind it at all. I quite like it actually."

In the past, I've never really thought much of church people. Why should I? They're just people, like everyone else. And I've had some pretty bad experiences with church people too, which somewhat put me off the whole idea of 'getting involved with various church activities'. But it's time for me to stop judging and stop acting like a snob. After all, I'm not that perfect either and I'm rather ashamed as well to note that I've been a pretty bad walking-representation of the faith itself.

Anyway, we went out to yumchar as a group last Friday.
And this week, Thursday evening, we're going to have a steamboat and Korean hotplate bqq dinner at Nancy's house.

Sounds fun, I guess.

Images: Gettyimages, unknown

Labels: friends, people, personal

It's tough being christian.

I think I've slipped away quite a lot in the last 18 years of my life. I've drifted away, then come back on track again, then run away, and run back again.

It's been one vicious cycle.

I don't think there's any good reason for my slipping away. Because the truth is that I've been completely self-absorbed and self-orientated. I'm not going to defend myself and say that everything I've done is right and that I feel no guilt nor regret because that would be utterly untrue. I've done plenty wrong and will continue to make many mistakes.

It's not a sin to love youself, I guess.
However, I do think it's a sin to believe that the world revolves around you.

I've been extremely selfish and I've done numerous things purely for the benefit of myself and at the expense of others.

I've said alot of things that have hurt people too, things which were totally uncalled for and things which were nothing but pure lies.

I've also done things which are just plain wrong.

I've had debates and arguments about what is right and what is wrong. My idea of right/wrong is relative to what I believe in, or believe to be right/wrong, and how they measure up against my values. It's all been so very wharped because I've been so very wharped.

But that's all going to change, I hope.

I reckon I've sort of dug a hole for myself and brought all this misery upon myself because of my lack of knowledge and my lack of willingness to open up and receive.

I don't like being depressed and confused and I don't like crying myself to sleep all the time.

So this last week, I decided to stop putting things on hold.. to stop talking (something which I'm so good at doing) and start acting (something which I've failed to do so again and again).

ANYWAY, this time, I'm for real, eh?

No more sitting on the fence.
No more "Hey, I'm trying really hard. Give me another chance."
Because it's pathetic.

All I've been doing is walking around with this nice 'christian' label plastered all over me. But the reality is that I'm far from what I profess to be.

So I want to change.

Even if it means that I'm going to have to make some very difficult and painful choices.

Would you rather have nothing and feel peace within or have everything and feel unhappy?

I'd rather give up everything here and now.
I'd rather lose it all, to be honest.

And for once, I'm dead serious.

Images: Gettyimages

Labels: personal

Yesterday, Jason came over and we finished off the last of our Ranma dvds.
When he stepped into the room, he found me playing RuneScape on my laptop! (:

Jason: "WTF? Since when did you play RuneScape?"

Me: "Since today."

Jason: "Geek!"

Me: -_-"

***

Today, he was over again, playing RuneScape with me.

Jason: I can tell you really like this game.

Me: How?

Jason: Your eyes are really big.

Me: o_o"

***

Just a while ago, he got on MSN..

Jason: Playing RuneScape?

Me: Yep. And I've got heaps of stuff. Tell me if you want any of them. I've finished 4 quests so far.

Jason: WTF? Have you been playing all day?

Me: Yep.

Jason: What a geek! My gf is a geek! Nerdy geek!

Me: Is it so wrong to be a geek?

Jason: No, I just like calling you that.

Me: -_-"

Labels: boyfriend, games, ramblings

Like every woman, I have wants and I have needs. And like every human, I look for these wants and needs in fellow humans, especially men, but more specificially - one man.

I WANT THIS BOYFRIEND:
1. Older than me. I don't like younger guys. Their immaturity pisses me off.
2. Must be on standby to open any glass jars, tin cans and air-tight juice bottles all the time.
3. Taller than me. DUH? I'm already as short as hell.
4. Big eyes. Just for the hell of it. Since I like them.
5. Fit and healthy with great stamina. I want high energy levels.
6. Sensible shopping partner who will stop me from purchasing silly things.
7. Ability to cook because I can't.
8. Intellectual. Because I get bored real fast.
9. Smart with money. Because I'm not.
10. Must have fairly good sense of direction - just because I do.
11. Drive a car. Because I don't.
12. Please be a reader. Nothing pisses me off more than a person who is stupid and doesn't read anything. Oh, please, grow up!
13. Tech-savvy. Otherwise, you're uncool.
14. Anime otaku. Otherwise, you're even more uncool.
15. Clean in many different aspects. I hate facial hair.
16. Even-tempered and easygoing. Just because I'm not.
17. Good travel buddie.
18. Please love food because I don't.
19. Don't ever stop me from going to church.
20. Tolerant of all my whiny speeches, bitchy PMS tantrums and silly-billy act-cute-ness annoying moments.
21. Trustworthy, polite, respectful, considerate, supportive, honest and committed. (Try saying that all in one breath!)

Okay, that's all I can come up with for the moment.
I'm sure I'm missing something though.

ANYWAY.

If you know anyone like that, please email me.
If you are like that, also, please email me.

And I shall bags you forever! (:

---

mMm.. I wonder what Audrey's list is like.

Labels: personal

The face that was webcamming with me for 7 hours last Friday is in today's Dominion Post.

Funny stuff.

And yes, everyone should go watch The Departed. If you haven't already, that is. I saw it yesterday too and it was awesome! (:

Flawless plot.
Great action.
Lots of blood.
Talented cast.

I liked the suspense and the drama alot.

Overall, I must say that it was a very enjoyable film.

Matt Damon is so hot.

Image: Wellington's Dominion Post

Labels: friends, reviews

If only we could be 18 forever.

Labels: friends

Audrey and I were feeling rather depressed today. Neither of us drive so obviously, we couldn't really go anywhere. And to make matters worse, public transport in Auckland sucks so we had no choice but to use our good legs and walk to the nearest mall. Honestly, it's so pathetic, okay? We live in confined freedom, partly by choice, and partly by circumstances. So both of us went to Milford Mall and walked around twice before we left for home. We were barely there for even a hour. I wanted a second opinion on a pair of shoes. Negative. I wanted to sign up for a new plan for my cellphone. But the guy said I needed two forms of ID, which I did not have and still don't. Then I dropped in at the flower shop to say hi to the boss. After which, both of us were thirsty so we got smoothies at the little store. Left the mall and walked all the way home in the freaking hot sun.

I'm such a sad tart. It's the holidays and I haven't had the chance to sleep in at all these days. I go to bed late and wake up early.

Brown's Bay has the yummiest ice-cream ever. I haven't had such yummy ice-cream in a long long long time. I loveee it.

OMG. I am a boring individual who's feeling so freaking bored right now. There is nothing to do at all. This is going to be the most excruciating summer ever, since I'm not even leaving the city at all. I'll be stuck in here for 2 whole months. Triple Ugh.

I demand a luxurious holiday in another urban city!

I love watercolour paintings.

I don't even have inspiration to blog about intellectual bullshit.

Yes, it's really that bad.

I am the #1 complaint queen in this entire universe.

Image: Blackjettas

Labels: life, personal, ramblings

This little cutie belongs to him and it's so adorable, don't you think? Why can't I have it too? ):

Images: Edison Chen

Labels: random

I had to wake up at 9am this morning because Mr Z wanted to have a McDonald's breakfast. The weather's awesome today - hot and sunny - so I decided to wear a tee-shirt and a denim miniskirt. I had a bacon and egg bagel with white tea and a hash brown. He had a hunger buster with hot chocolate and extra hash browns.

Then, we were off to Dressmart.

By the way, it was Mr Z's idea to go down to Dressmart today. I think he wanted to shop and I think he wanted me to shop with him. He just went down on Sunday, so it must have been quite enjoyable for him to want to go back again within three days.

I've only been to Dressmart once and that was about 2 years ago, so I quite looking forward to this trip, since I was expecting great bargains and new shops (as Mr Z described to me and yes, he was right).

It's not a big space and the clothes are the norm but the prices are fabbity fab fab. I got some pretty decent bargains today. One of which I'm very very very proud of - a black purse from Just Jeans, with a sale price of about $5 (the original price was $15, or something like that, I think). I've had my eye on it for ages! But I've been putting off the purchase because I just knew the price will go down.. someday. And besides, I wasn't that desperate to have it. I didn't need it since I already have that GUESS wallet David bought me for my birthday this year. I just wanted it. And so.. it was mine! (:


We bought clothes too, of course. Mr Z got me two new tops. He also bought some new track pants and a top for himself.

I know I have plenty of clothes but being the greedy person I am, I always seem to want more and more and more. I think I might have to try and sell some of my other clothes, since I don't wear them anymore. Some of them are brand new too, with their price tags and labels still in tack. Yes, I know it's shocking.

I got some random stuff too - a couple of pink Nike wristbands, and a cute mug for Mr Z.
Don't ask me what the wristbands are for. It's a secret. And no, they're not for myself.. duh?

Well, it's been one extremely satisfying day.

Thank you, Jason.

x0x

Labels: boyfriend, personal, shopping

It happened last night, Friday night. The newlyweds were kidnapped while on their honeymoon up north of New Zealand. They were robbed of their money. Then, they raped the wife, and forced the husband to watch every minute of it.

What the hell is wrong with people these days?

What sort of sick twisted fun do they see in doing stuff like that to other people?

It's like that recent case in Victoria, Australia. A group of teenage boys tormenting a young disabled girl, physically and verbally abusing her, burning her hair, beating her up.. and video-tapping every bit of it, after which, they upload and post the video proudly on the internet.

It's things like this which make me hate the world.
It's things like this which make me feel so sick to be part of this universe.
It's things like this which make me think about how this world is slowly dying because we're all somewhat killing ourselves and each other in our own way.

Labels: Australia, life, New Zealand, society

Life has been rather mundane and almost boring sometimes. It's not because I have nothing to do but more the fact that I just don't feel like doing anything.
In fact, I have been doing stuff, just not overly productive stuff.. so at the end of the day, it really feels like I haven't done anything at all.
I've been watching alot anime. Just finished Evangelion, the classic and almost wharped series. Today, I'd just finished reading the 1.5inch thick Fingersmith. It's got an above average plot.. so I guess you could say it's a good book. I did enjoy it.
Webcammed with T'so from 5pm to 12midnight on Friday. It was such a frigging boring day. I was bored. He was bored. So I made him webcam with me from Welly. BWAHAHAHA. Poor guy. I even (secretly) took some pictures of him.
Went to town with Shana yesterday to shop. I bought 2 pairs of socks. How pathetic, right? I think I'm running out of things to buy.. or rather, I have no money to buy anything.

Woohoo. Shana downloaded Cassie's self-titled cd and John Mayer's Continuum for me. YAY!

I'm going to have to go down to Borders and buy a book soon.

Summer is here. The weather is awesome. The beach is calling out to me. And I'm stuck at home.

OMG. I think I'm going mental.

Can't wait for tomorrow!

Labels: ramblings, seasons

It was about a month ago, I think.. when I found this while doing my usual web surfing. I cannot stop stressing about how much I want these 5 stupid t-shirts. I want them all so bad!! ):
I think it's an ingenious idea and I must absolutely have them.
The price makes me go crikey, of course. Not just because I can't afford them at the moment.. but also, I can't pay for them since I don't hold a credit card. And to top it off, the kiwi dollar is doing crap right now, compared to the aussie dollar.
So really, it's not worth it at all.

Images: Monday to Friday

Labels: ramblings

YAY! I've killed all four of my exam papers for this semester. The year's over and done with. Hurray! I'm so happy right now.. I could kiss an oak tree. I can finally stop hiding in my room and stop staring at my textbooks for the next 2 months.. Well, not until summer school, anyway. d:

David took me out to dinner after the accounting exam today. His shout. We went to Fortuna up in Skycity for all you can eat dinner buffet. The food was pretty average, just the usual stuff you can get at buffets but the service was excellent and the company was beyond great. It was a lot of fun. Thanks for dinner, David! (:

Met up with Audrey at Borders at around 9PM and then we decided to hit the uni bar, Vesbar, to say hi to her friends. But we got kicked out because there were stupid ID checks. So we walked back to her art studio and sat there chatting, while waiting for her dad to come pick us up. I hate white walls and white corridors.

Am feeling rather guilty at the moment because I do not miss Mr. Z at all, even though I haven't seen him for at least a week. I know I should but I don't. And I think he misses me. But I still do think about him alot, if that is of any consolation to you. Besides, it's not my fault. He brought it upon himself, anyway, since it was his idea to abstain during the exam period. ):

JAYSUN says:
do u miss me?

joanna says:
not really

JAYSUN says:
HMMMMMMMMMM!

joanna says:
do you?

JAYSUN says:
omg

JAYSUN says:
no comment

joanna says:
OK

joanna says:
you do!

JAYSUN says:
HOW CAN U NOT MISS ME!?

joanna says:
i dont know

JAYSUN says:
oh man

joanna says:
you're still there

joanna says:
just in spirit

JAYSUN says:
im unloved

joanna says:
not in flesh

joanna says:
WELL it was your idea anyway

joanna says:
to not meet till next week

joanna says:
you brought it upon yourself

JAYSUN says:
true

Okay, so T'so has been trying to convince me to switch mobilephone plans from my current Motormouth to Supa Prepay which gives you an additional 2000 text messages for $10 per month. I know it's real cheap but I'm not really much of a texter so I don't think that this plan is right for me. Besides, I prefer ringing people and Motormouth has one of the best ringing rates. Ugh. What do to? Stupid Vodafone. Why couldn't they just give us free texting during weekends forever and ever and ever?

Images: Gettyimages

Labels: ramblings