I must say that I don't think much of myself as a friend. I don't particularly come across as the best sort of person to befriend. I don't offer very much as a friend, in terms of help, support and care. But I try anyway, to be a friend, nonetheless, to anyone who may need one at any one point in their life.

I won't really say I have many friends, to be honest. I think there's a difference between knowing a lot of people and actually having a lot friends. My aunt once said to me that it is always better to have a few good friends, then to have a whole lot of friends. I know she's right.

So like I said before, I don't have many friends. But, however, I do think that I have some very good friends. I can think of about 5 right now, off the top of my head. I'm pretty selective and judgemental so I guess that's why it's so hard for me to befriend a person properly. I have my own agenda, just like everyone else. It's a very high-and-mighty sort of attitude, sort of a bit like saying, "If I like you enough, you qualify as a friend."

And I'm quite selfish too, when it comes to friends. I don't offer much but when it comes to spending time together or communicating with each other, I expect it to be just between me and that friend. I just want the whole person to myself at that moment in time. I don't do well in groups either, as you've probably noticed. I'm not much of a group person. But I really do value the time spent with any one friend at any specific occasion.

Anyway, in the last week or so, I've sort of broken out of my comfort zone, in terms of forging (new) friendships. Like I told Jason last night, I've made a brand new set of friends as of this week. It's a big deal to me because it's never happened this quickly before.

Firstly, because it's a group of people.
Secondly, because they're different from the usual people that I'm used to.
Thirdly, because I met them at church.
It's funny because I've never really wanted to be part of a group anymore. Well, ever since I left SMSS, anyway. I did try again at WGC but I gave up soon after. I guess I'd just had enough of 'hanging out' in a group. I don't think it's silly or stupid. I just thought it was tiresome. But this new group of people I've found are actually quite good together. And they're different because you just know that they are genuine. They stay together through fun times and serious moments. They're not perfect, of course. None of us are. But I find that when I'm with them, I don't find myself doing my usual sieving or judging or analysis. Because all I've done in the past is sieve my way through the many crowds of people I meet and judge and analyse each of them before coming to a conclusion - do I want to be friends with so-and-so?

And I suppose it's partly because they're christian, which is why everything is pretty much positive. And I really like that - optimism in life. I've never been active in the christian church community and I don't think it's very important that I get active either. It's not a priority in my life. But I do know that befriending a couple of christians will definitely be good for me. Besides, it wouldn't hurt me. Like I told Elliot on the way home last Friday when he asked me what I thought of the group, "I've never really been part of a youth group before. So I don't know what to do and I don't know what to say. But I don't mind it at all. I quite like it actually."

In the past, I've never really thought much of church people. Why should I? They're just people, like everyone else. And I've had some pretty bad experiences with church people too, which somewhat put me off the whole idea of 'getting involved with various church activities'. But it's time for me to stop judging and stop acting like a snob. After all, I'm not that perfect either and I'm rather ashamed as well to note that I've been a pretty bad walking-representation of the faith itself.

Anyway, we went out to yumchar as a group last Friday.
And this week, Thursday evening, we're going to have a steamboat and Korean hotplate bqq dinner at Nancy's house.

Sounds fun, I guess.

Images: Gettyimages, unknown

Labels: friends, people, personal

This entry was posted on Monday, November 27, 2006 at 10:15 am. You can skip to the end and leave a response.