Adapted from HSL.

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you
some milk.

FASCISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you
some milk.

NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the
other, then throws the milk away…

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block
the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the
size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market
it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100
years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the
owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest
the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.

IRAQI CORPORATION:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you
have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and invade
your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a
Democracy….

SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank.
Then you execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows.
The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder.
He sells the rights to all 7 cows’ milk back to the listed company, and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more.
Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad.

NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

Labels: economics, humour

I spent half the afternoon trying to paint my toe nails. Don't ask me why I suddenly felt like painting my toe nails. I don't know. I just felt like it. Anyway, so I was happily trimming, filing and buffing them.. before I actually started painting them. First, giving a base coat and then I painted it a deep dark chocolate brown colour. Toe nails are supposed to be easier to paint because they're smaller. But big toe nails are somehow a massive challenge. Sometimes I get it right the first time.. sometimes I have to redo them a couple of times before I'm satisfied. Today, however, was one of my bad-nail-painting-days. I was painting my right toe nail and for some unspeakable reason, I kept screwing it up. I'll paint it the first time and find that the coat is uneven, so I have to wipe it all off again and start from scratch. Then, the second time, I'll find that there's a speck of dust stuck on the surface of the nail. So I'll try and use my finger nail to sratch it out before it dries up, only to find that in the process of scratching that speck of dust, I've ruined the paint along with it. Third time, my hand accidentally brushed against that toe nail, wipping a whole chunk of paint off.. all because I forgot it was still drying. How stupid! Anyway, I got so pissed off I decided to give up and let it be. I really can't be bothered painting that big toe anymore. I'll just have to make do with 9 painted nails and 1 miserable lonely plain toe nail.

Oh, why do I even bother?

For the sake of vanity.

What is the consequence?

I've turned into the dumbest bimbo ever.

Yuck.

Labels: personal, ramblings, vanity

I was just shopping with Amanda today, along Queen's St this afternoon, during lunchtime, when this lady approached us both on sponsoring a child in some third-world undeveloped country. She wasn't keen to talk to me, of course, since I wasn't of the right age, but she tried to convince Amanda to donate $1 a day to help these poor and unforunate children all around the world. She explained that all the money was for a good cause and that it would help these children greatly.

I interupted her and asked, "You mean all 100% of your donations will go towards these children?" She stared at me and replied, "No, 90%. No one gives 100% these days."

I assume she's refering to charity organizations in general when she said "no one"?

I don't mean to sound heartless but I honestly think that some these charity organizations out there are nothing but hypocrites.. and possibly fraudulent. If one is truly for helping the poor and less fortunate, why would you even take 10% of the donations and keep it for yourself? Charity should be voluntary. In my opinon, it seems as though these organizations are taking advantage of these poor people and trying to make a business out of it. How can you feel good about helping someone when you have part of the donations sitting in your pocket? People donate with the intention to help others, not pay people to help others.. right? Doesn't that just defeat the whole purpose of charity in the first place? They say that a dollar goes a long way.. So if I give $10 a week, and the charity organization takes 10% (which means $1), isn't that robbing the poor of $1 towards a better life?

I'd feel better about donating my money to some of these organizations when I know that all the money I've given to the poor is being used for the sole benefit of the poor. I don't like the idea that part of my money is going into paying the salary of some CEO of whatever charity organization. If all these CEOs and managers are so keen to help, and at the same, feed themselves, then why not get a separate 40hr-week job and help the poor for free in their spare time? Wouldn't that make it more justifiable then?

I'd think that that is what real charity is.

Give because you can, because you want to and please, do it whole-heartedly.

Otherwise, it's not really giving at all, is it?

Image: Google

Labels: charity, money, thoughts

Complaints and compliments can be emailed to jothespoiltbrat@gmail.com

Labels: personal