I've been having a whole series of freaking bizarre dreams recently. The stuff I've been dreaming about is just so crazy and weird. Especially my dreams of Jason, which aren't very often, but when they happen every now and then, they're just so horrible. Jason's not a bad boyfriend at all but for some inexplicable reason, he's just an absolute prick in my dreams.

Jason is no where near a prick or an arsehole, of course. He's been very good to me and he's been a very good boyfriend but I just don't quite understand why he morphs into this monstrous jerk in my dreams. Don't get me wrong, I'm not superstitious and I definitely don't believe that my dreams are telling me something.

However, I do wonder if my dreams are a blunt depiction of how I view my relationship with Jason and how I really feel about it. Am I really so insecure as to dream such terrible things about him?

It's just that my relationship with Jason has been such that there's been hardly any friction, no bumps on the road, almost too perfect, in my opinion. And it's so scary because it just seems almost too good to be true. Sometimes, I wonder, what if something really drastic and dramatic happens one day and things explode and self-destruct? I wouldn't be able to handle it. I've had my world fall apart so many times.. I really don't want to go through it again! Please!

So I go all bitchy and pissy at him randomly, and pick fights with him and throw a tanty or cry and make him upset for no reason. It's my way of consoling myself that hey, at least there is some form of friction between us.. and that yes, we do have problems. But in reality, I'm the one with the problem.

I'm fully aware of the fact that I'm being completely pessimistic and cynical.. and quite frankly, I can't help it. It's my insecurity problem. And it's not so easy to change, ok? And I'm already trying my best to control my thoughts and feelings. But still.. I have all these stupid dreams to remind me of my apprehension and it makes me doubtful all over again.

I tell him all my dreams, of course.. every single one of them.
And most of the time, we end up laughing about them afterwards.

Labels: boyfriend, dreams, personal

This entry was posted on Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 3:57 pm. You can skip to the end and leave a response.