19 years & 1 day old
Okay, so it was my not-so-happy birthday yesterday! ):I was actually feeling rather down and out because of my birthday. I really don't like the fact that we all have to grow old and face this whole drama of our bodies deteriorating slowly over time. It's not that I'm afraid of growing old or dying. In fact, I don't mind dying right now.. but I just don't like having to go through the process of age-ing. It just sounds like utter misery to me. Well, this is probably the one and only change that I do not welcome in my life.
I also felt rather unhappy because I suddenly realized how wrong or how right I've been about my social surroundings. People who I didn't really care about.. actually cared about me. People who I do care about.. don't actually care about me.. AND people who I thought cared about me.. don't care at all. It felt so bittersweet, this taste, stinging the back of my tongue. I know it's rather selfish of me to think about ME ME ME all the time. But like I just couldn't shake this feeling of being treated like garbage or a used piece tissue. It hurt.
There is nothing more I hate than someone who lies to me. As a matter of fact, I hate lying to people too. So I try my best to keep my lies to my minimum. I think I'm okay with white lies because they're pretty much harmless.. but when it comes to real lying.. it stabs me in the heart because suddenly, my whole outlook on you, as a person, somehow begins to disintegrate. And I feel regret. Sorry that I ever knew you. Sorry that I ever liked you. Sorry that I even considered you as a friend. I'm not like God. I don't have His forgiving nature. I don't give people second chances. Because once you tell me a real lie, I cannot walk away and forget about it.
They say that there's always a reason for lying. And you should let it go if it's a good one. But what people don't realize most of the time is that the so-called good reason is another lie in itself. It just seems plausible because this second lie is much better than the first.
I think he was trying to justify himself.
To paint himself in good light.
Maybe he didn't want me to feel hurt and sad.
But he also wanted to make himself feel better about it.
Or worse, he probably didn't even realize any of it.
You know, I may be young, but I'm not stupid enough to not be able to detect a lie.
By
Anonymous, at
1:28 pm
You know, yesterday morn (or was it monday morn? i forgot) i realized that i am actually able to forgive even thou I cant forget when I thought that I cant forgive.
I realized that even thou they did cause me tears, nothing is holding me back from smiling when they look my way.
I know that its a long way from repairing the damage that has been done.. But I guess, you can always forgive and but not forget?
Why hold grudges when you are aging day by day? You cant do anything about the lie (or betrayal) that has already been thrown out there, but you can do something* with it.
But if you look at it the old me way, i guess, someway, its an act after all.
To be the bigger person.
p/s: I think that hilarious how jacky's gf thinks that I am wanting to steal him away from her.
By
Anonymous, at
9:17 pm
Maybe when I was at your age, I felt the same way as you did the day after your birthday. I vaguely remember that I didn't relish the idea of growing old and dying but now it's different. I sort of look forward to growing old. Perhaps it's got something to do with the prospect of retiring after many years of working life.
The process of growing old can bring about something beautiful in one's life. In 2 Cor 4:16-18, Paul said that we don't have to lose heart though our bodies deteriorate over time because our inner beings are being renewed day by day. As Christians, our concentration should not be on the things that are seen (the physical body and its wear and tear) but on the things that are unseen (the beauty of the soul within). When our concentration is on the unseen and the eternal, we'll be joyful all day long whatever the condition of our physical bodies. Agree?
Well, it doesn't really matter whether people care about us or not. I think it's important we care about others. We can't control other people's attitude towards us but we can definitely control our own. What's beyond our control is simply not our business.
You hate lies. I hate them too. My opinion is that we should hate lies, whether they are white or otherwise. Let's be strong and not allow ourselves to lie to anyone but to be truthful and wise at all times so that we don't hurt others unnecessarily.
By
Anonymous, at
1:41 pm
Wow.. deep.
I, on the other hand, had a fantastic birthday. Maybe next year it'll be ure turn, cos I bagsed this one aaagggges ago ^^
Keep it easy sista
By
Anonymous, at
1:48 pm
Hey girl, u alright? Its Kez here btw. Happy birthday, and may it bring loads of great things for you. Cheers!
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